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Emotions After the Death of the Second Parent
Everyone takes the death of parents differently, everyone grieves differently, and everyone has different emotional
attachments to the personal property of the parents. Where
appropriate after the second death, we suggest that no one take anything from the home initially, not even those things that
belong to the children, not even those things Mom has continually requested be moved out of the house.
Nothing should be taken until everyone is comfortable with breaking up the household, even if it takes several weeks. This will vary with the length of time people might be in town for the funeral or when somebody can get back to town. It can be extremely difficult and emotional on some family members to break up the home before they are ready.
If the will gives personal items to the children, when everyone is ready, the children should meet, probably in the parental home, after they’ve had the chance to make up different lists of what each would like to have.
We recommend three lists. The first list should be those things to which each person has a special emotional tie. This includes those things that each child would really like to remember Mom and Dad through. The second list would be those items that each child would like to have as they would be somewhat beneficial to that child’s own home or circumstance. The third list would be those things that each child would take if nobody else wants them. The meeting should include only the children. Too often an in-law injects himself or herself into the process and causes resentment, resentment which continues well after the estate assets are
distributed.
Previous: Keeping the Family Together and Avoiding Family Conflict
Next: Emotions After the Death of a Second Parent (continued)
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